I take a quick look at the subs… “Kurenai Karate… kidnapped sister… stolen black belt”… yep, these seem like the real deal. The timings are fine, too. Grammar sucks, but hey, you can’t get everything. Under these conditions, seems good enough to serve a karate film….

Well, in theory at least. You see, these fansubtiles turn out to be “fictional subtitles”. The accurate translations are limited to the names (actually, these are a bit off, too) and the most basic dialogue (hello, I understand, let’s go, excuse me, etc). The rest… well, judge for yourself:

Scene: bad guys steal Master Kurenai’s black belt

Dialogue: “The black belt was taken from him in front of his eyes”

Subtitles: “And it was an attack carried out by Kurenai sister shoziru kurubi”

How did master Kurenai’s black belt (kuro obi) become “Kurenai sister shoziru kurubi”??!!

Scene: narration after the opening battle

Dialogue: “This is where our story begins”

Subtitles: “And he destroyed all the dojo”

Scene: Rina demostrates a high kick for karate students

Dialogue: “Well, then… I need one more bottle. Let’s begin”

Subtitles: “So… high kick. I will show a high kick technique. Please help”

Scene: two villains, a guy and a young girl, ask karate trainees to fight them

Dialogue: “If you’re afraid of me, this little girl will fight you”

Subtitles: “I understand your problem, so Sonoko will fight”

* kono (this) + ko (child)

Scene: Rina is told (by a person leaving the scene) that the bad guys are after her black belt

Dialogue: “That black belt… is targeted”

Subtitles: “Sakurobi… we will meet again”

* kuro obi (black belt) has mutated into “sakurobi”

Scene: A movie theater employee tries to calm down people after Rina has stopped two thieves

Dialogue: “Please forgive us… the movies on screens 5, 7 and 8 will begin soon. People who have tickets please advance to the entrance”

Subtitles: “Everyone, please forgive us. The theatre is opened. You can buy some food if you want. That is all. Thank you for you attention”

The fun thing is, these subtitles (“Karate Girl.2011.DVDRip.x264.AC3-LooKMaNe.corrected”) get so many basic things right (timings, names, simple dialogues…) that many people watched the film with these subs without realizing most of the subtitles had nothing to do with the dialogue. My guess is the “translator” was guessing based on plot summary…

What do we learn here? Nothing much really, except the existance of a new fraud form that’s had me smiling all day. And maybe some of you now realize why the film made (even) less sense than it was supposed to…

Oh, and what about the planned movie afternoon with my friend? Well, the lucky guy got to enjoy a unique film experience with custom made subtitles that only appear appear in selected key scenes that I found important (and where my JP proficiency was up to it) and everything else omitted! Completed in 2 hours, and very much looking like it, too.

For the rest of you there, Media Blaster’s R1 DVD will be coming out in April! Meanwhile, you can take a look at my old film and Toei DVD reviews if you haven’t done so yet:
- Karate Girl Film Review
- Karate Girl Toei 3 Disc Deluxe Edition Review

Sangatsu no lion (Japan, 1991)

An interesting film by Hitoshi Yazaki, produced during Japan’s “lost decade”. With its yellow colored images and sleepy atmosphere, it indeed captures some of the mindset of the era. Buildings are being torn down, people wander aimlessly, and even Tokyo’s streets appear strangely quiet. The two main characters are a man suffering from amnesia, and a woman who claims to him to be his sweetheart, but in reality is his sister.

It’s a beautiful movie with atmospheric music, some truly beautiful images, and the excessively adorable Yoshiko Yura. Yet, it’s also a film that very much requires the interest and mindset for something that is heavily downplayed both story and character wise. It lacks aggressive social bite as well as sharp and rewarding character/psychological focus.

At 118 minutes the film moves at very sedate pace. Despite the prologue stating March of a month of storms, these characters are merely floating in the water. The title of Nobuhiro Yamashita’s (more lively) feature length debut, Hazy Life, would more than suit Yazaki’s film.

Despite the strictly niche audience appeal, the film had a strong festival tour in arenas like Rotterdam and Berlin. The film is not to be confused with a manga of a same title, though.

Alien vs. Ninja (Seiji Chiba, 2010)
+ Unbeatable concept: aliens + ninjas
+ Old school effects: men in rubber suits
+ Inventive martial arts choreography
- Sometimes unnecessarily underlines its silliness
- Very bland, gray visual look

Verdict: Very enjoyable martial arts / monster movie relying on strong action choreography by Yuji Shinomura, and men in rubber suits (Shimomura again). Occasional winks of eye to the viewer would not have been needed, though – we get the joke even if you don’t spell it out to us! 4/5

Mutant Girls Squad (Nishimura, Iguchi & Sakaguchi, 2010)
+ Excellent score by Kou Nakagawa
+ Charming cameos and kawaii moments
+ Solid storyline set the TGP universe
+ Breathtaking gore and make up effects
- The use of CGI in some gore effects

Verdict: A fun, even cute splatter-comedy hampered by some CGI, but excelling also in handmade gore, interesting storyline/world, and pleasing genre casting. Iguchi’s mid-episode ventures a bit too much into comedy, but the rest retains a fitting level of cool / pseudo seriousness. 3.5/5

Helldriver (Yoshihiro Nishimura, 2010)
+ Set in an ambitious, satiric zombie world
+ Various lovely gore and make-up effects
+ Kick-ass score by Kou Nakagawa
- Misplaced classical bits on the soundtrack
- Extensive use of CGI
- Lacks mean horror, opts for too much humor

Verdict: Messy and partly disappointing (CGI), Nishimura’s zombie film is also very enjoyable, epic trash ride with charming make-up effects and terrific score. Nishimura’s strength in creating a world of its his for his films is again visible here. 3.5/5

Cold Fish (Sion Sono, 2010)
+ Intense, darkly humoristic serial killer film
+ Excellent lead performances
+ All around high quality filmmaking
- Slight over-angst in the very last scene

Verdict: Not as much a “Sushi Typhoon film” as just another excellent Sion Sono thriller that happened to be produced by Sushi Typhoon. Not to be compared with “genre films”, although it does come with a heavy load of blood, guts and nudity. A very serious production, although spiced with very dark humor and Sono’s typical commentary on Japanese society.4/5

Karate Robo Zaborgar (Noboru Iguchi, 2011)
+ Wonderful soundtrack
+ Dynamic action scenes
+ Humor and genre respect balanced
+ Likable characters and actors
- The second half occasionally drags and gives too much emphasis on CGI

Verdict: A highly enjoyable action comedy for big audiences. There is plenty of emphasis on old school, and due to the family friendly and very easy going nature of the film the use of CGI does not become a bother until towards the end. Gore has wisely been omitted. 4/5

Yakuza Weapon (Yudai Yamaguchi & Tak Sakaguchi, 2011)
+ Amusing “Sugawara performance” by Sakaguchi
+ Some strong martial arts bits
- Extensive use of CGI in action and gore
- Unnecessarily underlines its silliness and comedy
- Too obvious “made-to-be-a-cult-pleaser” attitude
- Storyline drags in serious parts

Verdict: A disappointing film that chooses to be a comedy and CGI fest rather than hard boiled action film. Sadly, CGI does not equal to true thrills – it only lessens the impact of the action. The dramatic storyline parts also fail – a problem that also plagues Deadball. A disappointment to action fans. 2/5

Deadball (Yudai Yamaguchi, 2011)
+ Strong, prison flick style opening half
+ John Carpenter esque score
+ Charismatic performance by Sakaguchi
+ Some successfully outrageous, bad-taste humor
- Extensive use of CGI in action and gore
- Disappointing climax without actual “baseball”
- Jokes get less outrageous towards the end
- Storyline drags in serious parts

Verdict: An average splatter comedy that shows promise with mean jokes and solid attitude during its first half, but eventually downgrades into a disappointing and not-so-mean CGI-comedy. Sakaguchi is excellent, however, as a silent, chain-smoking antihero.2.5/5

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For comparison, I have chosen seven other genre films from other studios (but mostly the same filmmakers). The list could be much longer, but I decided to omit films like Samurai Princess (not so great) and Meatball Machine (quite interesting) for no obvious reason.

Gothic & Lolita Psycho (Go Ohara, 2010)
+ Superb opening with stylish action
+ Gothic Lolita makes a great lead
+ CGI free gore
- Made-into-a-cult-pleaser attitude
- Extensive underlining of its silliness
- CGI filled, disappointing finale
- Storyline drags in serious parts

Verdict: A disappointing action comedy that is too afraid to be serious. Action talent is wasted on joking and “we know this is silly” -approach to something that could’ve been very cool and amusing if played with (pseudo) seriousness. 2/5

Hard Revenge Milly: Bloody Battle (Takanori Tsujimoto, 2009)
+ Highly stylish, hard boiled cyber punk world
+ Terrific action choreography
+ Excellent, old school gore effects
+ Free of excessive humor and CGI
+ Moody soundtrack
- A couple of flashbacks fail

Verdict: Takanori Tsujimoto shows how to do it right: drop the comedy, invest in action choreography, and set it in visually stylish cyber punk / post apocalypse world. Add moody soundtrack and CG-free gore effects by Nishimura Eizo, and the outcome is: the best Japanese action film in decades! 4.5/5

Robo-Geisha (Noboru Iguchi, 2009)
+ Some crazy ideas come out genuinely fun
+ I’m gloriously misquoted on the Finnish DVD art
- Geisha < High School Girl
- Excessive use of CGI in action and gore
- Family film with gore is a compromise
- Over-acted comedy and non-captivating drama

Verdict: Iguchi is a wonderful guy, but RoboGeisha demonstrates his weaknesses, which are over-reliance on CGI, over-acting, and dramatic scenes which rarely come out successful in a genre film. RoboGeisha does have its share of positively outrageous moments, but the attempt to reach child audiences (with PG-12 rating) yet include gore feels like a compromise from the beginning. 2/5

Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl (Nishimura & Tomomatsu, 2009)
+ Lovely gore effects
+ Hilarious, non-stop pop culture satire
+ Cute and charming “love-comedy-splatter”
+ Terrific, Tarantino-level soundtrack
- Overdone scenes with Dr. Frankenstein

Verdict: Here is a charming love-comedy-splatter that shows how comedy and gore can be married. The film’s heart is a genuinely sweet romance, which is supported by impressive “real” gore and hilarious pop-culture satire that comes frighteningly close to reality. Amazing soundtrack. CG is only used in non-important little additions, and never becomes distracting. 4/5

Tokyo Gore Police (Yoshihiro Nishimura, 2008)
+ Lovely gore effects
+ Dark, humor free vision
+ Satiric commercials
+ Some amazing cyberpunk scenes (Dog Girl)
- Sometimes a bit obvious at pushing the craziness

Verdict: True, mean splatter film that is not afraid to offend those with weaker stomach. CGI is used sparsely, and not in gore. Nishimura’s vision and strong cyber punk wibes add to the experience – the dog girl especially is an amazing creation. I challenge Sushi Typhoon to produce something equally risky and hardcore! 4/5

The Machine Girl (Noboru Iguchi, 2008)
+ Lovely gore effects
+ Good attitude, good ideas
- Editing and sound effects lacks punch
- Action scenes are underwhelming

Verdict: Iguchi’s approach with mean violence and old school effects is admirable. The film’s technical shortcomings (action scenes lack punch, sound effects are underwhelming, editing is sloppy etc.), however, hamper the enjoyment and make it a lesser film compared to the genre’s best movies. Nishimura’s films, for example, manages the technical side better. Iguchi is on the right path here, just needs a tighter skirt! 2.5/5

Death Trance (Yuji Shimomura, 2005)
+ Amazing, hard core action choreography
+ Stylish visual design (gothic + punk)
+ Various details (especially in the vampire forest)
+ Humor and CGI only in a small supporting role
+ Badass Tak Sakaguchi performance
- The final fight trades real action for visual feast

Verdict: a hard core martial arts stunner with detailed and interesting gothic/punk word. The lack of gore and toned down posing will disappoint Versus fans, but this film is in fact a Versus beater. Sakaguchi’s best work to date. 4.5/5

Gokudo heiki (Japan, 2011)

“Real yakuza fears no nuke”

Taku kills again! It’s been an 11 year world tour for mini-budget Japanese action cinema. Ryuhei Kitamura’s Versus (2000) rocked the world more than a decade ago, but as some have noted, Kitamura-san hasn’t been able to come up with anything comparable since. The rest of the gang – screenwriter Yudai Yamaguchi, action choreographer Yuji Shimomura, and street fighter Tak(u) Sakaguchi – however, are here again! Was the wrong man credited for the Versus success?

Good theory, perhaps true even, but it doesn’t make Yakuza Weapon a good film. Not even thought it just may be the most fucked up production in the Sushi-catalogue. Co-directors Tak Sakaguchi and Yudai Yamaguchi set to adapt Ken Ishikawa’s 1996 manga into a Versus beater. Not forgetting the manga’s Battles Without Honor and Humanity yakuza parodies, Taku mastered Hiroshima accent and went full-on Bunta Sugawara! Sadly, style was forgotten.

Shozo Iwaki (Sakaguchi) wants to be the world’s toughest yakuza. The task is easy: he already is the world’s toughest yakuza. But there’s room for improvement. Returning from the Vietnam jungles (don’t ask) he discovers his asshole father (Akaji Maro) has been murdered, and the family’s honor stained. Now Iwaki is also the world’s most pissed off yakuza.

Add to the insult, a pervert in a big building shoots him with a bazooka. Broken but alive, Iwaki is left in the hands of Japan’s best, and returned to action with a machine gun arm and rocket launcher leg. Groovy!

Yakuza Weapon is a festival of Sakaguchi – a charming badass not best known for his modesty. Iwaki kills and smokes, usually at the same time. He disguises himself in battle, not to take the enemy by surprise, but to look cooler. Most of the dialogue consists of random insults, and all of them at yelled. Shozo Iwaki is Tak Sakaguchi!

- “I’m the best swordsman in Japan. And in the world.” – Tak Sakaguchi
- “He’s an idiot.” – Yudai Yamaguchi

The catch couldn’t be more obvious – Tak battles his way through an action comedy where almost every scene is taken over-the-top with dedication. Heads come off, buildings explode, and occasionally something so obscure (literally) falls from the sky that one can’t help but to warm up to it. But the joke is stretched too long, and the monotonic revenge / brotherhood drama becomes a drag. The worst misstep however, is the extensive use of (very poor) CGI.

Like the Yamaguchi helmed Deadball, Yakuza Weapon is effectively pushing the J-splatter genre ever deeper into the dark ditch of CGI. It’s hard to imagine true horror or cult film fan warming up to these digital gore fests. There is no concrete creativity in such. Casual viewers may not care, but then again, casual viewers also don’t see the difference between George Lucas green-screen action and mind blowing 1980’s Jackie Chan stunts. Splatter is no different art.

Some light is brought into the darkness by Sakaguchi and Yuji Shimomura’s action choreography. Taku is at his best in down and dirty street fighting mode – the man is no artist, but can kick ass and rip off some heads while at it. The highlight is a 4½ minute single take action scene that was completed with one hour rehearsal – and broken neck, as Taku took damage already during the first minute, but refused to give in! Tom Yum Goong’s similar scene took several months!

Another contender for a standout is a Sushi-favorite Cay Izumi’s brief visit as “naked weapon” – a scene made to be a cult favorite, but sadly drowned in CGI. The same problem plagues all of Taku’s gatling gun and rocket launcher action, making several action bits less than exiting. Most underwhelming is the encounter with deadly nurses, again watered down with digital gore.

Yakuza Weapon once again raises the question: where goes the line between creative insanity, and overly self-aware “manufactured cult cinema” that effectively misses the true coolness. The line is not easy to draw. Yoshihiro Nishimura, for example, intentionally pushes the audience’s limit, but the man is genuinely nuts and directs films with a great heart.

Yakuza Weapon, on the other hand, over-does it concept to comical lengths just to prove people it doesn’t take itself seriously. But that is exactly the problem. Such splatterific genre films, even when played straight, automatically posses certain darkly humoristic undertone. Yakuza Weapon is essentially explaining a joke to an audience that otherwise wouldn’t get it – and will probably find success among such viewers that would normally feel insulted by “terrible sadistic splatter films”.

In all fairness, though, Yakuza Weapon is not an entirely poor film. Sakaguchi’s nutty yakuza satire / self irony is fun to a certain point, and his hand-to-hand fights rarely cease to entertain. Sakaguchi and Yamaguchi are both nice guys, but with all the CGI and comic over-statement Yakuza Weapon is a misfire. In Sushi Typhoon’s entertaining seven film catalogue it’s the weakest contender.

It is my sincere wish Sushi Typhoon will be back later in 2012 with a vengeance – and without CGI. Unleash the true creativity these Japanese nuclear reactors (also known as “filmmakers”) posses and bring back the days of Tokyo Gore Police and The Machine Girl!

Abraxas no matsuri (Japan, 2010)

Ear-tearing noise-rock may not be the most usual way to open a movie about zen monks. Then again, Japanese monks aren’t the most usual bunch, ranging from ex-boxer bartenders (Pirjo Honkasalo’s documentary film Ito: A Diary of an Urban Priest, 2009) to rock stars, as found in Naoki Kato’s Abraxas. It’s a story based on 2011 novel by famous Japanese monk Sokyu Genyu.

The opening is quite something indeed – Jonen is a noise-rocker who defies decibel regulations and trashes half of the stage as part of his regular performance. Clothes have hard time staying on, too…

Enter adulthood + burnout. Monastery proves the solution and zen for the soul. But, can Jonen take all the harmony, or will his rocker explode from the lack on noise?

In director Kato’s hands, and perhaps because of the source material, too, a promising idea is given only a half-satisfying take. Despite an original and perhaps “indie-esque” premise, the film is aimed at mainstream audiences. It ends up softening much of its core with sappy family drama and moral message.

Still, there is a target audience for the film out there – mainstream critics and adventurous semi-mainstream audiences – and for them it may indeed prove a hit as the film’s festival success would suggest). But for all its potential there’s a constant feel of compromise in order not to alienate certain audiences.

Real life rocker Suneohair aka Kenji Watanabe is the film’s major ace. He’s quite an interesting sight in his portrait of Jonen, and carries the film over some lesser moments. His adventures would’ve deserved more spark. Dropping some of the more conventional drama and opting for HD digital cinematography to give it a more documentaristic spin (as was successfully done in the similarly balanced semi-mainstream film The Rise and Fall of the Unparalleled Band) might have worked.

In it’s current form the film feels – and looks, with it’s technically competent and colorful 35mm look – very safe. An exception to this safety comes in form of a few hard rock performances that are bound to have some of the audience holding their ears!

Disappointments aside, Abraxas is ultimately an entertaining if under-performing drama with strong lead, and no doubt plenty to enjoy for those who come looking something safe yet more original than your average multiplex offering. Oh, and the beautiful landscapes seen in the film are found in Japan’s now “notorious” Fukushima prefecture. And no, life did not end there in March 2011, despite what the media might have had you believe.